Positively Weightless

 Here we are at the end of yet another year. I know, I pretty much never post on Mondays like this, but I wanted to make sure I fit my end of the year post in before Friday. To be completely transparent I have started writing this post a few times now. This year was a doozy to say the least. Quite frankly I found 2021 to be mentally exhausting and I am not about to go into politics or the pandemic or anything of the sorts. We are all living in the same world right now, I know we all are fully aware of what is going on. But I do think it is safe to say that this year has mentally drained all of us in some way. So, let's dive in a little bit here!

This year marked one of the biggest steps in my life which was moving out of my parents' house and having my very own space. In a lot of ways this was very emotional and difficult for me, in just as many ways I loved it. I went from living under my parents' roof to my own and being responsible for every aspect of my life. Now, I did a lot of things independently while I lived there, but it was nice to just have some of Mom's cooking on nights I didn't feel like cooking. I also am very close with my parents, so the change was very emotional for me as well. This was pretty much the defining moment of 2021 for me and the biggest change. This year I also found a love of watercolor painting as I have previously mentioned, re-sparked my love of Marvel movies, made my very own sourdough starter from scratch, and found a love of silent movies. Looking back, I truly did a lot this year, even if they were all insignificant things, they still made up and entire 365 days of my life.

This past year has been hard on many of us as well and that does not go forgotten. I personally went to more funerals that I would care to have attended. Work was busy and overwhelming at times, and that took a bit of a toll on my mental health. I am lucky though and it was an insignificant change compared to others. Personally, I was able to recognize when I needed a break and I made sure I took it. I made time for myself when I could. I painted when I wanted to express myself. I journaled when I needed to expel an emotion. I read so I could escape the real world for even just a few moments. I also stopped obsessing with the media and political coverage. I stat informed now, but not more than I need to as following every small thing was only heightening my anxiety. I found a balance and took breaks where I needed to. 

I will be 30 on Friday, and part of me is dreading that, but a bigger part of me wants to spend the first year of my 30s the best I can. I know I say this every year, but I want to focus in on my diet and exercise more. Instead of restricting to the point of obsessing I want to find a balance. I want to find a level of exercise that I feel comfortable with and can grow with. I want to gain that spark I had for the gym before the pandemic hit. I also want to make more time for my hobbies. I would love to do some more painting. Maybe get another book I can follow for more practice and explore the medium even more. I would love to watch the Marvel movies in chronological order and read even more than I did before. I want to spend the first year of my thirties really focusing in on me, before I have a family, I need to change the focus to in the future. 

If you are reading this, I want you to take some time and really reflect on your year. Are you satisfied with how your time was spent? If not, how can you change that in 2022? Did you surround yourself with people that truly care about you? How can you change your life in the new year to live your life to the fullest? I know this sounds cliche but if 2021 has taught me anything, it is that our time here on this earth is limited, and we never know when that time will be up. Are you making the most out of it? To end I want to wish you all a very happy and healthy new year! Let's all make 2022 a great year!

Well here we are again. Another year is rapidly approaching it's end and we are at the end of yet another November which means Thanksgiving in America is just around the corner. In four days to be exact! If you celebrate, every year for quite a few years now you might remember that I like to take the Sunday before and write about the things I am thankful for. Yes, I know this page has taken a back burner this year. Part of me is sad about that, but the other part of me is happy I decided to take my mental health seriously and do what I needed to do to keep it in check. I am getting off track here though! Every year I take this post to reflect on the things I am thankful for, and I wanted to make sure that even though I am not posting as often here, that I still do that! I am encouraging you to do the same. Sure the turkey and pies are great on Thanksgiving but I think it is important to remember the entire purpose of the holiday as well.

I think this year especially I am thankful for my health, both psychical and mental. Now when I mention my mental health it typically just means I have been extra stressed from work and having some anxiety or I have been watching the news too often and feeling a little depressed about the state of the world. I want to acknowledge that I am very lucky in that department and I know there are a lot of people, especially in the world we are living in at the moment, that are struggling a lot harder than I am. But with that being said I want to remind you all that if you are struggling no matter how big or small, that matters and you should take it seriously. I had a lot of big changes this year and given all of that I think I have been doing very well. I am thankful that I am able to recognize when I need to turn off of the world for a little bit and recharge. I am thankful that I am in the place I am today.

I am also thankful for what 2021 brought as a whole! I will revisit this topic for my year-end post, but I wanted to take some time in this post as well. 2021 has been such a fruitful year in my opinion, even if some of the events in the world as a whole have not been as great. I saw best friends marry the loves of their lives. My other best friend not only started a new job this year but her precious little son turned one. I moved into my own apartment and took such a huge step forward in my life finally gaining my own full independence. I found a new love of watercolor painting which has been a wonder for my mental health as well. I continued to write here when I could but also write poetry as well. I also found a new love of silent movies and have watched as many Charlie Chaplin films as HBO Max had available. I have a new love of classical piano music as well and that has helped me relax so much. Overall 2021 has been a pretty decent year and I can't wait to dive into that a little more at the end of 2021.

As always the most important thing I am thankful for this year is the ones I love. Sadly this Thanksgiving families all over the world might have one less person sitting to enjoy the meal. I am thankful that my Thanksgiving table will be seating the usual seven. I am thankful for the relationship I have with my family because I know some are not as lucky. Sure we are family so we do not agree or get along 100% of the time, but at the end of the day we would all be there for each other no matter what. I am thankful for all the people in my life outside of family. For friends, even the friends I no longer keep in touch with as much as I would like, for just every last person in my life that has impacted my life. I am Thankful for all of you!

I hope you also take some time this week to reflect on what you are thankful for. Spend just a moment to count your blessings. I am guessing that even if you are not in a great place right now, you can think of one or two things at the very least to be thankful for. I know I have a lot in my life to be thankful for and just that alone also makes me thankful that I have a blessed life. I hope I am able to remember that on the days I feel a little off. All it takes is a few moments to reflect on your life and what about your life makes you feel grateful to be you. With that being said I will end here. If you celebrate I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving! I will see you soon!

Pardon me while I do my little walk of shame here. So far in 2021 I have taken quite a few breaks from posting on this page. There are a handful of reasons for that. I suppose this post I am going to talk about all those things and try and put a positive spin on it. 2021 has been the start of a lot of positive changes in my life and those all still stand, but let’s face it, the last year and a half have been nothing but stressful, worrisome, and all around miserable in some way or another for all of us. You would have to be living under a rock, a full-blown sociopath, or just overall not in touch with reality at all to say that the past year and a half has not in some way taken a toll on you. I don’t say any of that to be rude or mean but I just mean that I genuinely think everyone has been affected in some way, shape, or form. You are not weak or somehow less than because of that, trust me.

Let me start with the obvious. I have just not felt motivated in any sense of the word lately. I am not on a consistent gym schedule. I still make time for my hobbies but not even slightly in the way I would like to. Sure painting, reading, and writing are all things I enjoy doing, but it is the mental exhaustion that delays me from doing them as much as I would like. Work has been at times this year extremely busy, and we just are about to phase into our busiest time of the year. When I get home from work, I typically cook myself dinner or heat up leftovers, and then I have been trying to do something I enjoy after that. But after a long busy day at work it is a lot easier to just turn on the TV or play Animal Crossing… those are also hobbies which are fine to have, but I like to change it up for activities that engage my mind a bit more than that as well. I get the motivation to do them still in spurts, but not as much as I would like. This page has been a casualty of that as well.

To go off on that a bit more, my lack of motivation in updating this page as often as I would like to or as often as I used to would be a lack of positivity. Now I of course still try to be a positive person and keep that positive mental attitude (shoutout to Jacksepticeye, not trying to steal your logo!) every day and live my life in as positive of a mindset as possible, but it is also normal in life to not be so positive all the time. In fact, it is toxic to be like that all the time. Pain and suffering exist in this world and if we just try to ignore it or put a positive spin on those things instead of allowing ourselves to feel that emotion, it genuinely is going to take a mental toll on you. That is part of the reason I have lacked motivation to keep posting on this page lately. How can I sit here and preach positivity with all the horrible things consistently occurring in this world? Thousands of bodies of Native Americans being found at residential schools, people dying from all sorts of illnesses and diseases (including mental illnesses) some related to the pandemic, but not all, people just in general treating other human beings horribly. How am I going to sit around and say, “everything happens for a reason!” when all of this is going on in the world. It just hasn’t felt right to me lately.

Yes, I know that we probably need this positivity now more than ever, and I agree with that. Sometimes when darkness surrounds us, all we need is that little beacon of light to pull us through. But in a lot of ways there is a time and a place for it as well. I suppose my lesson here, as I have said on this page in the past, is to realize when the right moment for that beacon to shine through is. When we lose someone we love, the last thing we want to hear is that it was meant to happen or that everything happens for a reason. Sure, those words might ring true, but they need to be left unsaid until the time comes to fully be able to process and comprehend them. I think that is what I have been doing these past few months. Waiting on the proper time to assert my positivity through my page for not just my audience, but myself as well. I think I needed to let myself just slow down and process all the changes that have occurred over the past year and a half, both good and bad, and not focus so much on the pros and cons.

So what happens now? I am not giving up on my blog at all despite how it looks in my posting history for 2021. I think at this point I need to go back to posting when I feel up to it. Obviously, I have responsibilities in my personal life away from the internet that must take priority. I still love to write, but when it almost feels like a burden at some points because I have a consistent schedule, that is when it is time to take a step back and rework how I am doing things. I have loved writing since I was young, so I also do not want to ruin that by pushing myself. I want to keep my love of writing for life. I also do not want to put out posts that my heart really isn’t in, hence why I haven’t been pushing myself all these months to do so. I write these posts for myself first and foremost so if my mental health is going to suffer as a result, I obviously need to take a step back. I want to do my usually traditional post during the holidays so I will for sure be doing those, and I will post as often as I feel up to. I hope any readers I might have understand that.

Let’s finish up this year with a bang! The last thing I am going to do is let the state of the world keep me from enjoying the holidays with my loved ones. Halloween is just around the corner, Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely excited to decorate my own apartment for Christmas this year! I want to truly enjoy all these things so I am putting my mental health first to make sure that I can. I suggest you do too! Stay positive as best you can and always remember if you need to step back, that is okay too.

 I know, I keep taking weeks off of my page here. Last weekend being the 4th I was just a bit busy and did not plan ahead before going out of town with my parents for the night. But that's okay. I do this blog for me and I think just moving forward is the most important thing. Today I wanted to talk about social media a bit. I have talked about this topic a bit in the past but I have never dedicated an entire post to it. There is a lot I want to say about this particular topic so I think it is good to just dive right in!

First off I want to make sure I say that this post is not to attack anyone at all. If you are reading this and thinking I am talking about you, I am not. I am strictly talking about the topic as a whole. To be completely honest I was inspired by "White Woman's Instagram" from Bo Burnham's special Inside. Thanks again Nicole for getting me so obsessed with that haha! The song is comical on the surface, and I have more than a few posts of things he mentioned on my own Instagram admittedly, but there is certainly a deeper meaning to the song when you really listen to it. That is what I want to dive into. The way I interpreted the song is that we put up such a superficial façade to the world through social media. 

We post pictures of lattes, our big happy milestones, and the new recipe we made for dinner that night. What about the bouts of depression in which we don't wash our hair for days and cry ourselves to sleep. What about the days we are just incredibly non-productive and spent most of it in dirty pajamas on the couch. I personally try to represent all sides of my life when I present myself to the world, especially on this page, but even I leave some things off of the internet. Now that is okay too. The next part of this post I am going to talk about how we do not need to share every last thing about our lives to the world, but I do think it is very misleading to never show any downsides either. Take these big social media influencers for example. Typically they are posting this highly positive posts with a picture that just encompasses their perfect lives, all mixed together with an ad for a detox tea or energy drink. You never seen most of them talking about any sort of negative emotion they might be having. I find that incredibly misleading and dangerous to present to the likely young followers they have. When on social media I think it is incredibly important to remember that the poster is only letting you see exactly what they want to about their life.

What about posting in general? Well I personally have really pulled back on my posting on social media. I am not sure if it is just because I am getting older or what, but just naturally I stopped posting about every little thing. Sure it is nice to share some milestones or brag about my amazing loaf of sourdough I baked a few weeks ago, but I rarely post anymore other than that. There are a ton of people that are on such an opposite end of the spectrum though. I say all this without judgement of course, but I genuinely wonder why some people truly feel the need to post every last thing about their lives. Life is so much more fulfilling if you just enjoy it. Just because you are not posting about donating to charity or fighting for civil rights does not mean you are not helping with those causes behind the scenes. Just because you are not sharing photos of your big purchases does not mean you get to enjoy them any less. On the opposite side of things, just because someone in your life does not react to your posts it does not mean they are any less proud of you or love you any less. I think so many of us need to relax a bit when it comes to seeking the validation of social media. 

I want to make it clear again this is not an attack on anyone at all. I think we all to an extent seek validation from others especially social media. It just comes naturally as a human, seeking praise and validation from those around us. The most important thing to remember when it comes to social media is that it is simply a lens in place so we only see what the poster wants us to see. Just like in "White Woman's Instagram" when the woman allows her emotions to show through a sentimental post, that is gone almost as soon as it starts as soon as she again starts listing off things to seek validation from the viewer of her post. I think we all have a little of this in us. My advice is to just enjoy life. Instead of posting a picture of the sunset, sit with the person you love and enjoy it. Instead of pausing at a restaurant you are at to take a picture of your meal to post, eat the food, savor it, and savor the company you are with just as much. Share your emotions if you wish, but most importantly take the time to feel them. Life is meant to be lived in the moment, not paused so you can post it on Instagram.

"I am just looking to hopefully change the world through my love of writing and my positive attitude." This sentence has been in my bio of this blog for years now. Ever since I decided to focus in on a different topic for this page, since some of you may remember that this started as a weight-loss blog, that has always been right there in the corner to the right. So why bring it up now? I have been thinking lately of just that. Changing the world. How can I, Amy Maier, 29 years old (and rapidly approaching 30, or at least it feels like it) living just a normal life. Responsibilities, hobbies, routines, etc. There is nothing all that phenomenal about my life, and I say that in the most positive way possible. You may be reading this thinking the same thing. How can me, average joe change the world, and I think that is a pretty simple answer.

I think before we answer the question we need to dive into why it is being asked. Why does the world need to be changed? I am going to do my best not to dive into politics here, because I really do not want to go there, but a lot of these topics have become political. If you take a look around you, things may seem fine on the surface, but you are one of the lucky ones. We have people living on the streets. Homeless and hungry. We have children being put into horrific situations that even grown adults would not be able to live in. We have women afraid on a daily basis doing daily tasks. There is so much darkness and loss in this world and it genuinely is so sad to see that some live with such abundance while others have nothing. Some get to live their lives unpunished for committing horrible crimes while others are punished unreasonably for lesser crimes. Evil truly does roam this earth more than it rests.

So why do I bring all this up? What can we all do? The truth of the matter is we of course cannot all singlehandedly change the world. Even if we all worked together I doubt it sadly would be possible. Life is about balance and I suppose the sad truth is that if we never experienced pain or sadness or suffering we would never truly appreciate the good things in our life. We can all strive to be better people though. We can all stop focusing solely on our lives and our needs and our suffering. This world would be an incredibly lonely place if the only person living on it was you. So sure you may not be able to change the world yourself but you absolutely can do your part to make sure it doesn't get any worse.

My entire point in bringing this up is to share my thoughts on truly changing the world as much as you can. We all have hobbies and talents and ways we let our true selves shine in this life. Maybe you love to paint and write like I do. Take my blog for example. I do not have a large following. Only about 8 official followers and I do not get too many views. I have always said and still stand by the fact that I write these posts for me and the hopes that someone stumbles around them that needs them. If I have helped anyone in their struggles that means my job here has paid off. Sure I am truly not changing the world as a whole on this page, but I may have changed one person's world and that to me is a win. If you don't focus on the bigger picture, it is much easier to see how you can have an impact. 

What do you truly enjoy to do in life? Do you like to paint like me? Share your artwork with the world somehow. Maybe you don't get a while lot of attention for it but I guarantee you will bring a smile to someone's face with it. If you write like I do share your work! Post that poem you have been working on where a friend may enjoy it. Even if you do not have any creative hobbies, do what you can to put a smile on someone's face today. Look, we have all had such a difficult year and a half. I do not know a single person that isn't struggling to some extent at this point into the pandemic, even if it is getting better in most places. Be a little kinder to one another. Show a little more love to one another. Work together because a small chain of kindness can have an amazing outcome for this cold, dark, world we all share.

 I am going to take today's post to revisit a topic I have talked about many times on this page. I am someone who firmly believes that routines are good for all of us to have. Sure we are all different and some people do better on them than others, but I think a routine is very much a big key to getting the success in your goals that you are trying to achieve. As I have mentioned I moved recently and that in a sense threw my routines into a frenzy and I had to adapt to change things up, I still am in some ways was well, so I thought now would be a great time to revisit this topic and talk about my experience with it in recent days.

Last year I think the reason a lot of us were struggling, and maybe some of you still are because you are still working from home, is because our routines were turned upside-down essentially overnight. I personally was in the office 5 days a week, went to the gym after work 4 out of those 5 days, and on Saturdays. Suddenly I was no longer going into the office and could not go to the gym for months. I was finally in a good routine with the gym and I have not fully recovered from that even today almost a year later. If you are still struggling with this, trust me you are not alone. I know a lot of people have loved working from home but others, like myself, could not stand it. I think for a lot of people that routine being completely changed around took a big toll on our mental health.

With all of that being said I think it is important to talk about what to do when a routine is changed around. I no longer live at my parents house, so a lot of things have changed for me. Before if I didn't feel like cooking after work I could just have something my Mom made. Now I pretty much have to cook even if I do not want to. I am still trying to get my morning routine down since my commute to work is a bit shorter so that has been a change. I have an entire apartment I need to keep clean so I need to work the chores into my schedule as well. I am not complain at all and in some ways I love having these new responsibilities, but it very much is a change. I have been trying to embrace my new closer location to the gym and waking up early to go before work instead of after where I am struggling to find the motivation to go. 

When things get flipped around on you, embrace it! Like I said before sure I have to cook dinner every night for myself but it gives me the chance to have no rules with it. Wednesdays from now on are going to me my pizza nights and I am going to eat that pizza on the couch and watch the new episodes of Loki every week. I want to encourage you to do the same. No I don't me pizza and Disney+ every Wednesday, I mean finding a silver lining with your routines being switched around. If you are still working from home take the time you would have spent a year ago on your commute and use it for yourself. Get in a morning workout, read a bit of a book, take extra time one a healthy breakfast in the morning. I would say the most important part of your routine getting switched around is finding a way to embrace it.

How have your routines switched around in the last year? I think it is safe to say that every single one of us have had to deal with this in some way, shape, or form. As I have been saying throughout this entire post the most important thing we can do with this is handling it in a healthy way. It is not going to do anyone any good to sit around and complain about things, like SO many people have been doing throughout this entire last year. Find a way to let this change have a positive impact on your life.

Here I am sitting down to write a blog post at 8pm on a Sunday. Typically I would have had the post well written and posted by this time, but such is life right? As I talked about last week, plans do not always pan out exactly as we want them to. Sometimes our routines are mixed up and the unexpected comes to play. No matter how hard we try, some things just cannot be accommodated for. Now I could have gotten settled in for the night here and just blew off another post, but I did not want to do that. I wanted to sit down and write down my thoughts this week so I pushed forward, and even though this post will be going up late, it will still be going up.

So let's get into today's topic. I wanted to branch off of last week's post just a bit here and talk about why it can be a good thing when life takes an unexpected turn. This past week I saw a post online saying something along the lines of: If the person you were 5 years ago saw you today, what would they think? That post was unexpectant and so positive to me. To think of all I have accomplished in just those few years is pretty amazing to me. Back then I was working at a job that if I was still only making that pay I absolutely would not have been able to move into the new place I recently did. 5 years ago I did not write poetry at all and I have since had a piece published. I have gained a lot of mental and physical strength in that time as well and to think of what me 5 years ago would think if she saw me today is a pretty emotional thought to have.

I want you to sit and think of the same question to yourself. 5 years ago where were you in comparison to today? It is possible your situation is not drastically different, or perhaps you took a turn in a negative way since then. If that is the case think of the time that has passed. What got you to where you are today. What could you improve on? What can you change? I know I personally would go back and not let myself fly off the handle when it comes to my weight loss journey. I would go back and help myself change my bad habits earlier so I may not have had such a struggle last year when we were all social distancing. I would make more time for hobbies and things I love to do rather than just getting through day to day life. I think no matter how much you wish you could change in the past it is important to remember that it is never too late to make progress.

When I look at the time that has passed in my life it is a pretty beautiful thing. Sure I am getting older, but I am getting to see myself bloom as well as the people I love around me bloom. Friends are getting married and having beautiful babies. Others are moving on to new chapters of their lives, or maybe even returning to old habits they once lost sight of. We can never get time back all we can do is make the most out of what we have left. 

"If all time is eternally present. All time is unredeemable." -T.S. Elliot, Four Quartets

Do not dwell on the past, just be mindful of the fact that you from 5 years ago would likely be amazed a who you are today. If you did not make any big accomplishments in that time I think it is important to give yourself credit for the fact that you are still here. I said I wouldn't mention it again but think about the fact that you have lived over a year of a global pandemic, if anything the fact that you are here today, mentally and physically healthy after everything we have lived through in the past year is pretty darn amazing if you ask me, so do not be so hard on yourself. Remember that time is not infinite for us. We are only given so much of it in this lifetime. Do you want to sit around and dwell on what could have been? Or would you rather make the most out of it and be proud that you are here?