Positively Weightless

 Happy Sunday everyone! Wow it really has been a while and it is almost to the point that sitting down to write on a Sunday afternoon feels a little odd to me. I have been gone from this page since late February. I announced that little hiatus on all of the social media pages I share more blog on, but I never actually explained I would be gone on here so I wanted to talk a little bit about my absence on today's post because I think it could really benefit someone who was struggling in the same way I was. I think a lot of us are experiencing what I am seeing referred to as "Covid burnout" and there have been a lot of struggles that people are experiencing with it all. Some far more extreme than others of course, so I just wanted to take some time to talk about what it was like for me. Before I dive in, however, I want to encourage anyone that may be suffering with sever anxiety or depression in general, but also because of the events of the world over the last year, to seek help the best way they know how. Trust yourself and listen to your gut instincts. If you think you need some professional help please seek it. You are not weak by doing so! 

Towards the end of February I was finding myself in one of the biggest ruts I ever have been. Part of me felt guilty for that. Yes Covid is still very much around but it has not had the same impact on me as it had one someone who lost a loved one or was even sick themselves. I felt my mental health seriously suffering and I felt I had no room to feel that way. I have my job still, I have my health, I still have all of my loved ones, so what right did I have to feel anxious or depressed? The truth behind that is we all have our own struggles. Yes sometimes they are not as big as others but that does not mean they do not matter. If you are feeling a certain way, that feeling is valid. Never let someone downplay your struggles because they have their own. You are allowed to have a bad day. You are allowed to have a bad month, year, etc. 

I was doing so well keeping it together because I was not allowing myself to truly grieve about the things I was sad about. Looking back over the span of a year I had lost a very good friend from work to cancer who I did not get to visit in the last months of her life. I still have not been able to meet my best friend's son or see her because of the pandemic, which was a mutual decision for everyone's safety and there are of course no hard feelings there but it still is sad too. My boss's wife, who I am very close with, has not been able to visit me and I have not seen her in person for over a year now. My sister was unable to walk the stage for her graduation ceremony and I was not able to be there cheering her on they way she cheered me on at mine 7 years ago. I had to cancel a really special trip with my long time best friends, one of which also had to postpone her wedding. I could probably keep going on and on about all the things big and small like this that I was grieving over, but not truly allowing myself to grieve. The past year has brought so much loss to so many people and I think a lot of us, like me, have been suppressing it.

So what did I do? Just like the last post on this page, I put me first. This page was started to feel like more of a chore since my heart wasn't in it, so I decided to take a much needed break. I would rather take the time off than just keep posting posts that my heart wasn't in at all. I took a few days off of work last month as well just for mental health days. Luckily, as I have many times before said, my bosses are really cool about my days off so they were more than happy to approve those days off because they both know how overwhelmed with work I was becoming as well. I found myself a new hobby as well which I highly recommend. On one of those days off I went to the craft store for a few supplies and a set of watercolor paints caught my eye. It was on sale for $7 so I grabbed it and I have been watercolor painting every single day since then. I am no Van Gogh yet, but I think my skills are already improving with practice. But regardless if I am improving or not the most important thing is that I am doing it for me. No deadlines or special requests. Just painting. I have very much been putting me first and I already feel so much better.

Here is one of the paintings I have done as I am learning.

With improvements comes additional things to improve on. I will be honest, my gym schedule (or lack thereof) has been an absolute mess. I am struggling to find the motivation to keep going with my workouts and not making the best food choices, but I am doing my best to set myself up to get back on track. I would love to do more reading again and write more poetry, because that too was suffering while I was feeling down. My biggest piece of advice to you is to also recognize these things and seek help when you need it. If you need a few mental health days take them. I know not all bosses are as chill as mine but you are entitled to your paid time off so you are allowed to use them. I would highly suggest a no pressure hobby like I found in watercolor painting too. Something you just do for you. You don't even have to be any good at it as long as you enjoy it. Most importantly, however, is that if you need help seek it. I cannot stress that enough.

Thank you so very much for sticking around for this post all about me, but I felt it was necessary in my return. I am looking forward to getting right back to my same routine starting now.

 Happy Sunday Everyone! I want to start off by asking anyone reading this... how are you doing? You can answer this in your head, leave a comment telling me, or anything you want as long as you take a moment to think about how you are actually doing. I am not sure how other countries and cultures, or even other parts of the US respond to "how are you?" but I know where I am it is pretty common to just say "good, how are you?" right back. It is essentially just a standard way of greeting someone. If you are having a great day, horrible day, overall just feeling any way at all you most likely still respond with "good, how are you?" as if it is just a casual greeting. I want you to actually think about it for a moment and think about where you are both mentally and physically at the moment before we move on to the topic for today.

I have been struggling lately. I might sound like a broken record here, and I know I talked about a similar topic very recently but this is what is on my mind this week, and I always try to stick to writing about just that. We all make New Year goals and challenges for ourselves, well here we are almost 2 full months into 2021 and where are you with those goals? I saw a video online a few days ago that asked the viewer just that, and it hit me pretty hard. Out of everyone I know, everyone seems to be struggling in some way right now. I want you to know, again, that that is okay. It is a perfectly valid human emotion and response to stress and trauma. The past 12 months have been something none of us have seen in our lifetime. A pandemic that has killed almost 2.5 million people worldwide, an absolutely ridiculous seemingly never-ending election in the US, an attack on one of our nations historic buildings, I could go on and on but I don't need to. Some people are able to deal with the news in a positive way while others not as much. It is completely understandable to be struggling right now!

Now of course I am all about positivity, it is right in the name of my page, but as anyone that has read my past entries also knows that I encourage everyone to also deal with their negative emotions and experiences as well. Toxic positivity is a real thing, and I am not about that at all. We are humans capable of feeling a vast array of emotions and ignoring any of them is not healthy. So let me get to my point here. Yesterday I had my first training session at the gym in a few weeks. In between sets we always chat a little bit. Sometimes about things in our lives, and others relating to the gym or working out of course. I got to mentioning how my motivation is at an all time low right now and he asked me to think about why that was. The truth is I am emotionally just burnt out. Work has been busy and somewhat stressful, the things on the news lately has been getting to me, I have been worrying so much about other people I, once again, am not making myself a priority. I like to think I have a good heart, but sometimes in some ways that comes at my own expense. It is okay to take some time for you. It is okay to struggle. The best piece of advice I can give is one I am also giving to myself: Keep trying to make yourself a priority.

Think of it as how they ask you to put your oxygen mask on in a plane, before you go helping others with theirs. I know this analogy is so overused but it fits. If you are neglecting yourself a resource needed to calm down and survive, you won't be able to help as many people. If you pass out, you are not helping anyone. If you put the oxygen on first you then are taking care of you so that you can then extend that and help others. If you are a mother this probably rings so true. I do not have any children yet, but I see how they can sometimes make themselves the lowest priority on their list. Feed the kids, get the laundry done, get the kids bathed and ready for bed, and by the time that happens they are exhausted and move along to do it all again in the morning. Of course some things can't be put off, but if you take some time to mentally and physically care for yourself, you'll be even more successful the next day. This goes for every last one of us.

I need to make the gym a priority again. I need to get better at meal planning again. I need to take more time to relax, and not let the stress of the work day pile up so by the time 5:30pm hits I have no interest in going to the gym. I need to turn off the news sometimes and watch something mindless and fun. A Harry Potter movie marathon, start a new fiction book, write some poetry or journal, dance around in my bedroom in my pjs, bake a loaf of bread because I want to and not for a specific meal, do some yoga or even a nice reflection meditation, go to the gym and get back to a place where I enjoy it and it doesn't feel like a chore again. I know all of these things are things that I enjoy that I need to make more time for rather than just working and eating and sleeping. I need to push them to the top of the list and make time for them and not feel guilty or that I should be doing something more productive. If any of this is sounding familiar, it sounds like you also need to make yourself a priority. Take some time for you. Take some time to recover from the crazy year we have all been living in together. Take some time to put you first.

 Happy Sunday everyone and a very Happy Valentine's Day to you all as well. I hope you are all celebrating if you are lucky enough to have a valentine, but if you don't that is perfectly okay too. Some have someone special with them today, some of us have a special someone that can't be with them today, and some don't have one at all but you know what? That is perfectly okay too because you can be your very own valentine in that case! Today is all about love and showing those around us that we care. Traditionally that means a lover, but it doesn't need to only mean that! I want to talk today about love, because what better day to revisit that topic than Valentine's Day?

I am going to start off, as I am sure you are all expecting me to, by saying if you are in fact celebrating in person with your valentine this year make sure you are smart and safe. We are still in a global pandemic here so you do not want to end up sick in a couple of weeks just because you decided the holiday was worth ignoring restrictions and safety guidelines, make sure you make safe plans! Now, love is not a new topic for my page here. I have always said love is something that the world always is in need of more of. Love comes in all shapes and forms. Today is traditionally about love between lovers, but it there is no rule at all to say it has to be. My family has always exchanged little gifts and cards on holidays, I love buying small gifts for my niece and nephew and for my bosses' kids at work, and my one boss's wife always send in a little gift for me as well. Of course Valentine's Day is not about gifts necessarily, but it is about showing someone in your life that means something to you that you care.

Valentine's Day, however, is not the only day you can do this either. Every single day we have the option to show the ones we love that we care. Cook dinner for your spouse on a night they may not want to, surprise them with their favorite movie and snack for a random at home date night one night. There are so many things you can do to show someone you care about them on the other 364 days of the week. Love between two soulmates is a very beautiful thing and that should be celebrated every day of the week not just on a commercial holiday. Sure candy hearts, heart shaped boxes of chocolates, cute cards, and fuzzy teddy bears are all fun and exciting to exchange, but there are so many ways to show you care without those things.

Now as I mentioned earlier, a lover is not the only type of love that needs to be celebrated. Family members, close friends, and even yourself are all other really good sources of love that should be celebrated. There is no rule that you shouldn't wish your friend a Happy Valentine's Day or get your mom a box of chocolates. Heck there is also no rule that says you shouldn't buy yourself some candy or flowers for Valentine's day. Love really is all around us even if so many do their best to try and tear it down. The world will never be a bad place because there is more love in it. The world will never suffer because there is more love in it. Love will always set us free, especially with the love we find within ourselves. As soon as we let love in, misery has no place anymore. If we love ourselves and each other everything gets a little brighter and the smog filled skies will start to dissipate. Choose love every single day.

Overall I want you all to remember just how special love is in your life. Maybe you are single and bitter because it is Valentine's Day. Trust me I have had my fair share of bitter Valentine's Days that I rolled my eyes at any couple I saw and overall just wanted the reminder of being single to be over with. You should never envy others that have found love for there is plenty of it still needed in the world. Your person might be closer than you know it. Someone else's happiness doe not mean that you will never find your own. Smile because they found love, smile because you also have love in your life, and smile knowing that one day that also will be you. The world is always better with more love in it, and not just on Valentine's Day!

 Happy Sunday all! Wow I honestly cannot believe yet another week has passed us by. I am sitting here and my meal prep is done, laundry is going to be going in the washer soon, and a loaf of bread is in the oven. As I have said so many times before in the past, preparing for the week ahead, especially with food, is so very important. It is a lot easier to stick to your meal plan when everything is ready to go. I planned on doing this post a few weeks ago, but when all the craziness ensued in the US I just did not have it in me to write a post that seemed so unimportant in comparison, but it is about time for something lighter today! Today I want to do a review on a meal kit delivery service, Green Chef.

I have to start this review with a shoutout to Danielle who gave me the code in order to get these kits for completely free which was great. It gave me the ability to try out a kit I might not otherwise and doubled as an idea for a new review for my blog, so thanks Danielle! If you are not sure what Green Chef is, it is a meal kit delivery service. You pick the number of meals, servings, and select what meals you want out of a good number of new ones each week. Basically they ship everything to you and it is all pre-portioned and put together for you with an easy recipe. The biggest thing these kits do is eliminate your trip to the grocery store, or at least it cuts it in half. Most of the kits have a little prep work to do before cooking, but nothing excessive, and everything is portioned out exactly. I am sure you have seen a million of these kits before, it is similar to all of those. Pictured in this paragraph is the ingredients for the taco bowl I ordered. everything is portioned out, and most of it was already chopped and ready to go. Every kit comes just like this.

So what are some perks with Green Fresh? As I mentioned before everything comes portioned and a lot of the prep is done for you already when you get in. Pictured here was a salmon with kale, beets, and a nice lemon caper sauce on top. In that whole kit the only real prep work I had to do was to chop the kale and capers, everything else was chopped and ready to go. On a long day after work and especially if I go to the gym the last thing I want to do is make a dinner that is a million steps. I am usually tired and hungry at that point so the quicker the better. A lot of the time that means I grab something already made, or I make something really simple like a pan fried piece of fish and microwavable steamed vegetables. Those are fine choices sure, but being able to have a meal like this with just as much effort is awesome on a busy week night! I honestly loved having some variety during the week because I have been incredibly bored with food lately eating the same old things.

A weekly kit sent right to your door every week with pre portioned meals prepped for you to cook, so what are the cons? Well I would say overall it was a great experience. One place people may have an issue with is the price in my opinion. Depending on your financial situation spending that much money may just be out of your budget. The kit I ordered was 4 meals, each for 2 servings and that would cost around $105 per week. Honestly that is around how much I spend on groceries for the entire week and that includes food for all 3 meals and snacks of the week. So overall it is a bit more expensive than I am used to. I can see that being a problem for some people, me included when my expenses go up in a couple of months. Honestly though that is really the only negative thing I have to say. Out of all the recipes I tried I liked every single one of them and I tried brand new thing I have never tried before. For example in this picture is Barramundi fish with a mango salsa, lime slaw, and carrot fries. I had never heard of this kind of fish before and I ended up loving it! Especially paired with that bright citrussy slaw and salsa. 

Overall I loved this meal kit! It was great to just be able to pull the kit from the fridge, do a bit of prep, and have dinner ready after 30 minutes. The selection was great as well. From burgers to pasta to vegetarian dishes. I am sure out of all the options they give you every week you will be able to find something that caters to you and your family as well. The meals have a great variety, usually healthy options as well. Sure one week I got a pork burger recipe (which I pictured here) but it only called for a little oil on the potato wedges and in the pan the burger was fried in, and a little cheese was on the burger. Still a much better option than a greasy fast food combo meal I am sure! Overall my experience with Green Chef has been a very positive one and I have been loving the recipes I have tried. Great food, fast, easy, and it eliminates time at the grocery store, I say that is a great experience!

 Happy Sunday all! I am back after taking a little break last week. With so much uncertainty in the air I was finding it really hard to focus on writing a post, so I figured instead of forcing it I would just take the week off to recharge and get back to it this week. I have a review coming up that I was going to do this week, but I am going to push it off one more week because I felt this topic is an important one, and I write a poem recently that would be perfect to end this with. I broke with my norms last post and talked about American politics, which is something I absolutely never do, and I do not regret that. Unless something huge happens in the future again I probably will not do that again. We all have differing views and opinions, and I have always wanted to keep this blog a neutral space for everyone. No matter what your views on anything are, I think one thing we all have in common is hope.

Now I am sure I have talked about hope on this page many times before. Hope and love in a lot of ways go hand in hand, and I know I am always preaching how important it is to have love in our lives. Hope and love both make the world the place we want it to be. Without either of those things, imagine how scary, dark, and cold the world would be. Hope keeps us going. If you did not have any hope within yourself at all you truly would never work towards any goal in your life at all. If you are not hopeful for those new beginnings and end results of anything you put your mind to, why would you even be working to achieve them at all? Hope is genuinely so important to keep in your hearts. Hope pulls us through the darkest of times, even if we are not even aware that it is lurking in our hearts. Hope is always there waiting to be called upon.

I want you to take a moment and think about what a world without any hope at all might look like. If it wasn't for hope any of the previous big wars in history may have been fought in vain. If there was no hope in those times they very likely could have ended human civilization as we have come to know it. You and I may never have been brought into this world. A very striking example would be Anne Frank. I think we all know her story, she was in hiding from the Nazis during the Holocaust and kept he now famous diary documenting this time. Despite their conditions and circumstances her diary was full of messages of hope. Her story unfortunately came to a horrible end, despite that hope, but her message of hope was not lost on the rest of the world. She lives on through that message. She lives on because of her hope. Even someone living through one of the darkest times of history had hope in her heart.

I know times get hard for everyone. As I said I took last week off because my anxiety was at an all time high from everything going on and the worry of things to come. It is only human to worry sometimes. Even in those times, however, hope is there waiting for us to see it. Even when we want to ignore it and sulk in our sorrows. Even when we just want to be angry at the world. Even when the storm clouds just do not want to dissipate. It is still there lying dormant until the spark comes to ignite it. All of this hope in my heart inspired me to write a poem on the topic yesterday, and I figured it would be nice to share here too:

Hope Will Always Pull Us Through

When you are scared and feeling alone, always remember that hope will always pull you through. No one was ever hurt or damaged because they had hope. Sure sometimes things do not work out the way you hoped they would, but in the end hope is what gets us through those times. Stay hopeful that things will work out in the end just the way they are supposed to, because they will. It is so incredibly cliché but I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason, and hope is what pushed us through to find out just what that reason is, especially in the times where there is pain and confusion. Maybe things did not work out how you wanted. Maybe life is just not how you imagined it would be at this moment. Hope will keep us fighting to get to the ultimate destination in our hearts.

 I have tried to sit down and write my blog a few times now and am having a hard time focusing. I am sure I am not alone in that. This past week as pretty much everyone in the world knows was a very dark one for the United States. I try to keep politics off of my page as I believe this is a space for everyone, that everyone can use positivity in their lives no matter their views, and overall I like to think of this page as a place to escape rather than be reminded of the news. I can't do that this week though. I had a review of a meal service planned for this week but it just is not in me to sit and pretend that I am mentally okay after the events that took place this week and talk about something that is pretty meaningless in comparison. I am going to do what I always do on this page and discuss, while also shedding a positive light.

Before anyone tries to defend or fight against me on what I am about to say I want to tell you to save your breath. The events that took place this week were vile and disgusting. Republican, Democrat, Conservative, Liberal, etc. No matter what your views on things are, I think any rational and sane person can agree on that. This is no longer about opposing views. This is no longer a fight between conservative and liberal. What we saw Wednesday in this country was an act of pure hatred and selfishness. It was not about anyone's rights. It was not about anyone's finances. It was not a statement or a protest. It was an attempted coup. There is no sugarcoating that at all. Everyone has the right to be upset with the outcome of the election, but that was not just one step too far, it was twenty, and it was, and continues to be, encouraged by someone who is supposed to be leading this country. There is absolutely no defending that.

Now enough about it, quite frankly I am sick of even thinking about it and worrying about what else the future is holding. My point in writing this today is to tell you that is is okay to be not okay. It is okay to be scared and worried. It is okay if you, like myself, sat and watched the news when these events were unfolding and were literally shaking in fear with a pit in your stomach. I know that if you are a parent with small kids you need to act strong in front of them so they are not fearful, but it is also okay for you to be upset or scared. You are not considered weak or less than for letting something so horrible and big occurring filling you with fear.

My best advice to give my readers is to take care of your mental health. I have been saying this for months now during the pandemic, but this is something that was like a giant explosion that occurred, rather than a small wound festering like the pandemic. With the pandemic we could gradually get used to things, where this happened all at once. If the news is upsetting you, turn it off and read a fantasy book. Take a break from the world and make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and drink it looking out of your window at nature. Appreciate the beauty of the world as you do because even when things get dark, it is still there. Drink your water! Do a workout. Play a video game, preferably one without violence, to further distract yourself. Do whatever you need to do to distract yourself from everything and move through life as best you can.

Again I want you all to know it is okay to not be okay. The past year was physically and mentally exhausting and of course 2021 was not to be outdone. If you live in this country it is perfectly understandable to be scared and worried. I am myself as I am sure this is not over. I am fearful for what could happen in the next few weeks, and that is a natural human reaction. You are only human and none of us are strong all of the time. Keep looking forward, even if what is ahead seems so completely uncertain, and if you need to take a break to sit on an old tree stump along the path, that is okay too.

Happy 2021 all! It seemed like the longest and shortest year all rolled into one, but we made it! Now as I said last week, just because it is a new year on paper, that does not mean that certain things about 2020 just go away. Humanity as a whole is still fighting against some things that, although there is an end in sight that does not mean that we let our guard down and pretend life is completely normal again. But hey, I am not here to harp on that bad aspects of 2020, I am here to put a positive spin on 2021. Now last week a did talk all about 2021looking towards the new year in a positive way, and I wanted to elaborate on that a bit further and talk all about planning on the new year.

Overall my best advice to you and myself is to make sure you are as ready as possible for every week ahead of you. Get your gum bag packed as much as possible. Make sure you have socks, hand sanitizer, and face masks if your state requires them or you make the choice to wear one. No need to not be able to workout because you forgot something so small. As I have said make sure your meals are as planned out and prepped as possible to make things a lot easier on yourself during the week. The more you set yourself up for success the more likely you will be to achieve it. Keep up with these things until they become habits, or in my case until they become habits again. So many of us coped with the dumpster fire that was 2020 by falling out of a lot of our routines and good habits, now is the time to stop making excuses and get back to it!